I Broke...

so yesterday was the ex's bday and of course I was back and forth with myself bout what to do...well ppl I BROKE!! not only did I break my 60 days of no contact but I emailed him "happy birthday, Enjoy your day" ugh!! well ok I didnt actually commit the crime my dear best friend M did it! yup Im gonna blame it on her. u see she is good hearted person who is really nice and she allowed me to believe it would be "mean" not to say anything to the ex for his bday...and of course he responded...not only with a Thank you but he added my last name! M said thats not affectionate but it is it so is!!!! cuz he used to call me that!! my last name with a MIss in front of it! she is pathetic, i know thats what u r thinking...and i wont disagree with u...i am totally pathetic..u see I want him back...so badly....but I know he doesnt want me anymore because we both screwed up sooo badly...theres a big mess and noone can clean it up...its what i do i make messes..im a messy person...and well now I sit here wondering whatever can I do t0 get him back...and the ugly truth is NOTHING!! it is what it is... so 60 days must restart as of today...here we goo....